Funny But True Quotes Everyone Loves

The funniest way of telling the truth is what this post is about. This post list some of the best funny but true quotes online, so feel free to read and get ready for some minutes of hearty chuckle and cackle.

fuuny but true quotes

List of Funny But True Quotes

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”
― Richard Jeni

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
― Rita Rudner

“Love is like any other luxury. You have no right to it unless you can afford it.”
― Anthony Trollope

“The head never rules the heart, but just becomes its partner in crime.”
― Mignon McLaughlin

“Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning handsprings or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.”
― Helen Rowland

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”
― George Burns

“It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.”
― Grace Hopper

“By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
― Charles Wadsworth

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
― Socrates

“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 per cent of their ice cream.”

― Bill Murray

“I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I would have been more specific”

― Lily Tomlin

“First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”

―  Steve Martin

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.”

―  Will Ferrell

“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”

― Woody Allen

“Before you criticise a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticise him, You’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.

― Steve Martin

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her”

―  Rodney Dangerfield

“Clothes make the man, naked people have little or no influence in society.”

― Mark Twain

“Breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”

― Jerry Seinfield

“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body”

― George Carlin

“Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping from a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”

― Lt. Frank Drebin

“I never feel more alone than when am trying to put sunscreen on my back”

― Jimmy Kimmel


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